One year

One year ago I wrote my first entry: Love

This is where I've shared my sadness and my grief.  My hope and dreams.  My love and the beauty in my life.  The words come from my soul and are written here to remember my journey.  To remember Oliver.  To remember my pregnancy.  To remember Natalie and Carter as they grow.  To capture a part of my everyday life and thoughts.

I never thought I would start a blog, let alone have enough to say to continue writing a year later.  I never thought I would have strangers commenting and reading and supporting me through my journey.  I never thought so much would happen in just a year.  I started from a place of grief and one year later find myself in a time of happiness. I never thought I could feel so much love and be so grateful for what I have in my life.  And here it is all written and captured.  The love stories of my life.

This is where my heart was first broken.

In those early days, I logged on daily to read other blogs about babyloss and found myself compelled to write down my own thoughts and emotions.  I wrote from the depths of grief, as I longed to be pregnant again and still waiting for the arrival of our little boy.  I wrote as a mother longing for her baby, one who didn't survive outside the womb.  My words were filled with anxiety and sadness.  It was a long summer, but as fall came along this space became a new place.  A place to capture my pregnancy after a loss.

This is where I found hope. 

I was so excited to announce my pregnancy to those that follow my blog.  My readers are the ones who have followed me from that first entry and I finally had good news to share.  A light in the midst of the darkness that had been my summer.   The posts became more hopeful, yet still filled with anxiety and I shared my excitement as my belly grew each week. 

This is where I found healing.

Six weeks ago and almost one year later from starting this blog, I finally welcomed Carter and shared my happiness here.  I finally held my living little boy in my arms and the grief of just a year earlier seemed so far away.  Here I was able to share the true happiness in what the birth of our son meant. 

This small space has become a part of me.  A place to just write. Share thoughts and photos.  A place where I've grown in just 365 days.  And in these 365 days, you, my readers who have followed and  read my words and left comments of support, love and encouragement are a part of this space too.  I couldn't have made it through this year without your words. While I speak of grief less and no longer have a pregnancy to share, I will continue this space to share a part of my heart through words and photos.  To remember my journey and a little boy and always be thankful for what I have now.  My children and husband and all the love in my life.

Thank you for reading and spending time in this little world with my family and me.