Thanksgiving Weekend

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving with friends.  It was so much fun to see Natalie this year compared to last year.

 
Last year she couldn't even sit up on her own and this year she joined us in the feasting, eating in her highchair with her fork.

As I prepared my Thanksgiving dishes and made my annual Christmas cookies, I thought about past holidays and future holidays to come.  As I put away my holiday cookie cutters, I thought about last Christmas.  I wasn't pregnant yet and didn't have any idea what 2010 would bring.  One baby lost, yet another one on the way by the end of the year.  I can't help but think about how I hope next Christmas will look.  As I take out those cookie cutters to make my annual Christmas cookies,  how I hope I have a little girl wanting to help me and another little 6 month old just learning how to sit up.  How different next Christmas will be from this one.  While I'm so thankful to be pregnant this Christmas, I so wanted a little 2 month newborn this year as we gathered around the tree.

While we've been putting up the Christmas decorations this weekend and getting ready for Christmas, I have found myself immersed in the moment.  Trying to remember every little detail of watching Natalie and her excitement as we put up the tree, she tries pumpkin pie for the first time and takes in all of the lights and ornaments up everywhere. While she won't remember this Christmas, I want her to remember the way the house was decorated and we gathered around for family traditions. And that love filled the house everyday, but was extra special during these holiday months.

I think it is too hard to think about what should have been and even hoping what will be next Christmas. As I've learned there are no guarantees, so maybe I'm just living in the present to protect my heart. To soak up all the love that is here right now.