It's A...

 

Boy!!!

We had our 16 week ultrasound today.  I was so anxious waiting for this day, not knowing whether I was walking through the door of heartache and disappointment or the door of pure happiness and bliss.  I tried to prepare myself for the worst, just trying to protect myself and stay uninvolved.  Of course, that is impossible to do when you are carrying that very life inside of you.  But I at least attempted to do that.  Luckily, we got good news.  Today at least, I have a healthy baby boy growing inside of me and couldn't be happier.

He looked great for 16 weeks.  They didn't do a full anatomy scan, that won't be until 20 weeks.  This one was more for my peace of mind.  To see a growing baby.  I do feel a lot better knowing that everything looks good, but still in the back of my mind it is hard knowing that Oliver appeared perfectly healthy also when born.  When I heard it was a boy, I got a little more nervous again.  Feeling like my body can't handle a boy, since my little boy that I last carried didn't make it.

I'm so thankful that I get the chance, at least right now, to have a son again.  This time hopefully a living son. It seems strange to me to be pregnant with a boy again.  I know I'll continuously wonder why this little boy survived and Oliver didn't. 

I'm enjoying this moment though. Living in the happiness of seeing my son, alive and healthy.  This moment is one I never got with Oliver, so I know what it is like to feel cheated. I know there are so many people that never make it to this stage or leave the room with teary eyes from bad news. Today, I was one of the lucky ones and I am fully aware of that.  I continue to hope each milestone is greeted with happiness and joy.

It is exciting and terrifying to now daydream of a little boy, Natalie's brother, our son.  Every image of the perfect little boy runs through my head. With each image, the love grows that much more and I know it will only continue to do so over the next months.  With every little kick, each passing milestone and finally when I hold him in my arms.

Back/Spine

Little Foot