Time

150 days ago my world was perfect.  I was 19 weeks pregnant, about to find out if I was having a boy or a girl and just generally happy.  As we all know, things turned out very differently.

But time is a funny thing.  149 days ago my life was altered. I was thrown into the pits of grief and despair, wondering how I would ever recover and wondering how I would take the next steps to understanding my son's death and life.

Over the last 149 days, I think I've accomplished a lot!  

• I've ventured to the deepest sorrow I've ever felt, but somehow slowly made my way back out to the light. 
• I've learned how to love my son in his death and carry his memory in my heart and use his story to spread awareness that women are far from alone that go through the same thing.
• I've partnered with Kristin in helping Faces of Loss become a thriving organization.  I take pride in knowing our hard work is creating a community of women who feel less alone and have a place to share their story and remember their child.  I have Oliver to thank for that confidence and strength to share his story.
• I've made new friends and connected with so many wonderful women. 
• I'm a stronger and more passionate women, who knows how to love deeper and works hard to not take one moment for granted. 
• I am expecting our 3rd baby and while it is still early, I already love this one as deeply and can't wait to meet him/her. I know just how precious this chance is to bring another human life into the world. It is certainly a gift I don't take for granted. 

It is amazing what 149 days can bring into your life.  150 days ago, I never knew these things were about to happen to me.  That I would have to start all over, redefine myself and be altered to the core.  But I'm learning that's life.  I hope the next 149 days are happier times, but I also know we have no control, so I'll enjoy this life right now, while I can.