One year ago
One year ago today
I was filled with hope.
I was filled with hope.
I fell in love.
I found out about him.
September 4, 2010:
I woke up this morning feeling different. Hopeful. Yesterday brought a big storm in the morning and the afternoon was beautiful with a hint of fall in the air. A cool breeze that was refreshing and begged to be felt and breathed into my soul. Yesterday was a signal. A signal of a shift in seasons. A signal that like the seasons, my life was about to change. Today I found out am pregnant with our third.
Somehow everything seems to be pointing to this moment and it feels right. I had a dream last night that I found out I was pregnant and when I woke this morning I decided to test to see. I had some cramping a few days ago, but nothing that really led me to believe I was pregnant. I stumbled in to the bathroom and half blind waited to see if a second line would appear. This time seemed different. I still had the doubts in the back of my mind, I think just to prepare myself for seeing a negative, but I really felt hopeful. And suddenly the second line started to appear. I couldn't believe it. Really? This is happening now. I'm getting a second chance and that chance is beginning right now. All my fears of, I'll never get pregnant again went out the door and I grew excited and hopeful.
The ideas of being pregnant and actually having another baby cross my mind every minute and I feel like a little balloon fills with hope and love. I'm floating on air. But what if they all pop and it all comes crashing down? I know the worry will be there every day for 9 months, until this one safely makes it into the world and is in my arms. I'm realistic and know that the sharp pins exist everywhere and something could potentially allow my world to crumble. But I have to navigate that path with hope and excitement, not worry and stress.
It is hard to believe that I should be 37 weeks pregnant right now. Not starting over at 3.5 weeks pregnant. But I am and I'm excited. My heart is full of love and seeing two little lines has brought healing. Of course, this baby won't replace Oliver. This journey is far from over and I know there will be many days of doubt, fear and anxiety. Right now, I am content and in love with the possibilities and dreams for my family and knowing there is a little life inside.
Somehow everything seems to be pointing to this moment and it feels right. I had a dream last night that I found out I was pregnant and when I woke this morning I decided to test to see. I had some cramping a few days ago, but nothing that really led me to believe I was pregnant. I stumbled in to the bathroom and half blind waited to see if a second line would appear. This time seemed different. I still had the doubts in the back of my mind, I think just to prepare myself for seeing a negative, but I really felt hopeful. And suddenly the second line started to appear. I couldn't believe it. Really? This is happening now. I'm getting a second chance and that chance is beginning right now. All my fears of, I'll never get pregnant again went out the door and I grew excited and hopeful.
The ideas of being pregnant and actually having another baby cross my mind every minute and I feel like a little balloon fills with hope and love. I'm floating on air. But what if they all pop and it all comes crashing down? I know the worry will be there every day for 9 months, until this one safely makes it into the world and is in my arms. I'm realistic and know that the sharp pins exist everywhere and something could potentially allow my world to crumble. But I have to navigate that path with hope and excitement, not worry and stress.
It is hard to believe that I should be 37 weeks pregnant right now. Not starting over at 3.5 weeks pregnant. But I am and I'm excited. My heart is full of love and seeing two little lines has brought healing. Of course, this baby won't replace Oliver. This journey is far from over and I know there will be many days of doubt, fear and anxiety. Right now, I am content and in love with the possibilities and dreams for my family and knowing there is a little life inside.
One year later he is here safe in my arms.
This post gave me chills Andrea. I think these rainbow babies are such a special thing. And we realize what a true miracle life really is. Carter is growing into a adorable little guy. Thanks for sharing your photos and your perspective one year after finding out he was on the way. xoxo. -beryl
Beautiful! Love that you started your post in B/W and ended in color... Like finding the light, having come through the darkness.
so precious! beautiful post A!